Featured: Who am I really?
Ode on a Psychiatric WardI.Ode on a Psychiatric Ward by Farand
I'm five-six, and I've problem after problem —
Enough to fill someone who's twice my size:
The ward's too loud, the walls too white... but of them
The worst is probably the little flies
That found their way into my room this evening.
Oh, now I'm thinking all about them. Great!
I'll have to have a nurse increase my med-
Ication; that'll calm me down. ('Bing, bing!'
A doctor's pager sounds: he's working late.)
I'll turn the bathroom light on, then I'll go to bed.
But I can't sleep: the waterproof duvet
Is suffocating, yet I'm cold without it.
The night nurse has stains on her dress — coffee:
She's overworked, but, if I say, she'll doubt it.
She feels it's all par for the course for her:
Changing my heavy quilt for lighter sheets,
Then asking if there's 'owt else' she can do
Until the morning: when she takes great care
In noting down my all-important 'deets'
Like blood pressure (she knows the numbers; I've no clue).
Despite strategic placing on my to
Notes on Avoidant Personality DisorderGreen pine trees, cranes and turtles…Notes on Avoidant Personality Disorder by Farand
You must tell a story of your hard times,
And laugh twice.
— From Oiwai-Ondo
On 30 June, 2015, I was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder:
Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder grow up with excessive social anxiety and withdrawal. They have a longstanding pattern of shyness, feelings of inferiority, and hypersensitivity to rejection/embarrassment. The core features of this disorder are: (1) negative emotion (anxiousness (fear of rejection/embarrassment)), and (2) detachment (withdrawal, intimacy avoidance, and anhedonia [decreased ability to feel pleasure]). This disorder is only diagnosed if: (1) it begins no later than early adulthood, (2) these behaviors occur at home, work, and in the community, and (3) these behaviors lead to clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Notes on a Psychiatric WardJohn Forbes Nash, Jr., was one of the recipients of the 1994 Nobel Prize in Economics — but he nearly wasn't: the Nobel selection body had expressed concerns that he might embarrass them.Notes on a Psychiatric Ward by Farand
Mr Nash was a paranoid schizophrenic. His illness had led him to believe, among other things, that he had been charged with creating a new world government that would lead to his being crowned Emperor of Antarctica.
Some people might call such a belief mad. Mr Nash himself, acknowledging what he had been through, said: 'My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional — and back.'
The same might be said of my own quest.
After a long and interesting life, Mr Nash, along with his wife, died suddenly and needlessly in an automobile accident. I was on a psychiatric ward at the time.
The point of these brief, loosely-structured notes is to speak a little about some of my fellow patients, and to illuminate the often obscured truth that people with a mental illness are
Needles of GrassNeedles of grass, their never-endingNeedles of Grass by jade-pandora
rage; a ghost fire, spreading
the slow burn that licks at my
calves, that makes my toes seize
and my fingers buzz, fighting the
hollow numbness that encroaches,
harbingers of the saccharine drip,
eroding the perception of sight and
thought that drowns in a single depth
the ebbing of low tide on a beach of
finest silt, unable to support
anything heavier than the sea salt
that weeps from my nostrils,
a cycle, a cyst; moon phases
extolling their revelation,
a parasitic resolve-
reading a muted fortune
as seen through the uncorrupted
facets of a perfect diamond
that never realizes its own
appreciation, only the inevitable,
unable to grant that
this too shall pass,
when I will be reduced to crawling
through needles of grass.
|ItDoesNotHaveMe is an awareness group on deviantART started by opioid after unexpected but incredibly positive feedback for her Lyme Disease article on dA's editorial news. It is a place where artists coping with illness--either physical or mental, their own or a loved one's--can seek out a headquarters for awareness and expression.|
Submissions to the group's gallery should be directly related to an illness or condition. There must be a mention of this illness or condition in the Artist's Comments.
"I've spent 7 weeks on a psychiatric ward, and was discharged today! I was also given a diagnosis of Anxiety Avoidance Personality Disorder - has anyone else here received that diagnosis? It would be nice to chat with someone!"
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